| | There are so many things in my head right now. They are all smashing into each other, trying to find a cozy place to lay back & nestle. I am just sitting here, staring into space, trying to grasp what is in my head, trying to separate these thoughts.
It just seems impossible at the moment. What it is adding up to is that I am unhappy. And that is all I can think about. How do I become happy? People say that money does not buy happiness but right now it sure would cheer me up.
This past week was insane. I made the decision 2 weeks ago that I would buy a one way plane ticket for July 6 or 7. That I am just going to GO. I would rather be struggling money wise 20 miles away from John than 1800 miles away from John.
John is very much about the numbers. So the idea of telling him my decision was pretty intense. So on Tuesday, after a long day of story time & helping a friend with her grandkids, I told John. That resulted in a pretty intense conversation. After we got off the phone I just knelt on the floor and cried. It was insane. Well my friend came into the room & asked me how I was doing. I gave her a brief description of the conversation. And from that she began to tell me how her husband did all of these things for her when they were dating & how she does not understand why if John & I are in love, why we do not just get married & how her kids handled their relationships .
Uh… wtf? Stop judging what you do not know! You do not even know John!
That just made it worse. & Of course I was staying there for 2 days to help with the grandkids. How do you help someone out after a conversation like that? Of course I love those little kids so it was easy to focus on them & to do a good job with them.
That night I woke up at 2 am with a very horrible headache that stayed with me for the whole day. I definitely over medicated myself but the pain would not go away.
It had been awhile since I talked to Chris. He had surgery & other things I guess. I told him about this bad day & that no matter what I need to leave Greeley. My life here is over. It is time for something new. I need to start my life where it is just me & then just me & John. Chris asked me where Jesus was in all of this. .. Uhm , well.
I have been talking to GOD but have not been investing much time into that relationship. Right now I am feeling the same way I did this time last summer. That is pretty scary. I have a friend who gets depressed in the winter time. And another friend who gets sad around Easter. I am thinking that summer is my time.
My friend Kristin wrote on her Facebook status that she has a heavy heart & is choosing to set her mind on things of eternal value… Oh how perfect.
This is my last day video switching for Christ Community. I love this job & I hope to do something like it again soon. It is time.
I am packing this week. I am just getting on a plane & going in 3 weeks.
With like 100 dollars in my pocket.
It is exciting & scary. |
| | Posted 6/14/2009 12:36 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
